Admittedly, what we have here is nothing short of a fool’s errand. Let’s say it up front and all plain — we’re all just guessing. Having some fun. Forthwith, then, here are 50 things bound to (OK, that might) happen before/during/after Saturday night’s Utah-BYU football game:
1. Rice-Eccles will give Utah more than a three-point home-field advantage.
2. Even though BYU’s defense is holding opponents to less than Utah’s season per-game average for rushing yards (150.9), the Utes will surpass that average.
3. Utah will use at least two quarterbacks, and wish it had two better ones.
4. BYU’s defense will score a touchdown, or set one up.
Rick Egan | The Salt Lake Tribune Brigham Young Cougars head coach hugs Kalani Sitake, Utah head coach Kyle Whittingham after the Utes 20-19 win over BYU, in football action, BYU vs. Utah at Rice-Eccles Stadium, Saturday, September 10, 2016.
5. Kalani Sitake and Kyle Whittingham will hug on the field.
6. BYU will gain more first downs than Utah.
7. Darius Lassiter will catch one touchdown pass, maybe more.
(Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) Brigham Young Cougars wide receiver Darius Lassiter (5) eludes the Oklahoma State Cowboys defense for a touchdown in the final seconds of game play for a 38-35 win to remain undefeated in Provo on Friday, Oct. 18, 2024.
8. BYU will at some unexpected point attempt to pull off a little offensive razzle-dazzle.
9. Utah will play with more emotion than at any other time this season, which could help the Utes play better than at any other time, but there is the chance that it could make things worse.
10. Utah’s defense will be more physical than at any other time this season.
11. BYU will play with more nerves than usual, on account of having much more on the line than the other guys.
12. Whittingham will have the thought run through his mind that maybe he should have kept Aaron Roderick around as his offensive coordinator.
13. Utah fans will have the thought run through their minds that maybe Whittingham should have kept Jay Hill around as a highly paid defensive assistant.
14. Micah Bernard will break off a scintillating run in excess of 30 yards, and someone will refer to it as a scamper.
(Rick Egan | The Salt Lake Tribune) Arizona Wildcats linebacker Sterling Lane II chases Utah Utes running back Micah Bernard (2), in Big 12 action between Utah Utes and the Arizona Wildcats, at Rice-Eccles Stadium, on Saturday, Sept. 28, 2024.
15. Brant Kuithe will catch a touchdown pass.
16. Jake Retzlaff will throw for a minimum of 250 yards.
17. Retzlaff will throw for two touchdown passes and run for another.
18. Utah and BYU will suffer at least one interception each.
(Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) Brigham Young Cougars quarterback Jake Retzlaff (12) makes the game winning pass in the final seconds of the game for a 38-35 win over the Oklahoma State Cowboys in Provo on Friday, Oct. 18, 2024.
19. BYU will win the overall turnover battle.
20. Crimson will be the dominant color in the crowd, but there will be more splotches of blue than is typical.
21. Will Ferrin will kick a field goal.
22. Utah will lead BYU in one rather dubious category … number of punts.
23. Isaiah Glasker will be involved in a big play.
24. A fight will break out, either on the field or in the stands.
25. An over-exuberant Utah player will have to apologize for some lewd comment he hurled at BYU … uh, um, oops, sorry, Jaylon, already happened.
26. There will be a significant special-teams play.
(Rick Egan | The Salt Lake Tribune) Utah wide receiver Dorian Singer (3) signals a first-down after a big catch for the Utes, in Big-12 football action between the Utes and the Arizona Wildcats at Rice-Eccles Stadium, on Saturday, Sept. 28, 2024.
27. Dorian Singer will catch a deep ball.
28. No matter how BYU performs, Sitake will mention in his postgame comments that his team played less than perfect, and will need to improve.
29. Whittingham will start his postgame comments by looking over the room and saying, “OK.”
30. In tribute to an aforementioned Ute, the MUSS will chant a combo-pack of profanities that could sheer the %@$&*$#$@%-ing blue paint clean off the Cougars’ helmets.
31. No BYU fan, no parent of a BYU player will have beer poured on them.
32. Sitake will tell his players, scream at his players, in the locker room before they take the field that they will win the game because they’ve earned it with all the hard work they’ve put in. “You deserve it,” he’ll say.
33. Whittingham will tell his players in the locker room before they take the field that they will win the game, no matter how crappy they’ve played over the last month, because that’s just what Utah does against BYU.
34. Everyone on both sides will be properly moved when Utah fans let out their usual moment of loudness near the start of the fourth quarter.
35. Retzlaff will pick up timely first downs with his legs.
36. Utah’s QBs will try to match Retzlaff in that same manner.
37. Even the most hardy of fans will rightfully wonder why in the name of all that is or isn’t holy a rivalry game like this, played along the iced-over Wasatch Front in November, has a kick time after 8 p.m.
(Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) The fans cheer on the team as the Utah Utes host the TCU Horned Frogs, NCAA football in Salt Lake City on Saturday, Oct. 19, 2024.
38. Every other Big 12 team, at least the ones still in contention, loudly will be cheering for the Utes.
39. Big 12 commissioner Brett Yormark quietly will be rooting for the Cougars.
40. Morgan Scalley will dial up multiple blitzes to hit and/or hurry up Retzlaff.
41. Scalley’s top priority will be to stop the run.
42. Hill’s top priority will be to stop the run.
43. Whittingham will nod in approval, whispering to himself, “Those guys learned darn-near everything they know about defense from me, Sitake included.”
(Trent Nelson | The Salt Lake Tribune) Southern Utah Thunderbirds running back Jordan Jefferson (6) is brought down by Utah Utes defensive end Logan Fano (0) and Utah Utes linebacker Lander Barton (8) as the Utah Utes host the Southern Utah Thunderbirds, NCAA football in Salt Lake City on Thursday, Aug. 29, 2024.
44. Lander Barton will lead the Utes in tackles.
45. The game’s winner will say this was pretty much just like any other game, but will party loud and proud as happy liars.
46. The game’s loser will say this was pretty much just like any other game, and will hang their heads all dog-faced as unhappy liars.
47. Sitake will wear a blue hat that doesn’t quite match the rest of his bluer-than-blue ensemble.
(Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) Utah Utes quarterback Isaac Wilson (11) as the Utes host the TCU Horned Frogs, NCAA football in Salt Lake City on Saturday, Oct. 19, 2024.
48. Whether or not Brandon Rose starts for the Utes, Isaac Wilson will end up throwing for more yards.
49. Retzlaff will complete passes to at least eight different targets.
50. Half of these predictions will be wrong.
