If the much-ballyhooed, much-elongated process of naming Salt Lake City’s NHL hockey team is going to end up with the name Utah Yeti, if all the legal hurdles and financial hoo-hah are cleared and cleared away, the question that remains is …
How do we feel about it?
The Utah Yeti.
That name was supposedly the one favored the most in an earlier fan vote.
A few things to consider here.
The first is to rid ourselves of the vapid-and-vacuous Utah Hockey Club label. Yeah, enough of that nonsense, already. Some fans — Clubbers — around here have fooled themselves into growing snug with that bit of insipid nothingness, celebrating and championing, even, the faux charm that comes alongside its limp lifelessness.
There are a zillion Rangers and Bruins and Flyers and Penguins and Ducks and Blues and Kings and Golden Knights across the NHL, but there’s only one Hockey Club. Aren’t we clever and cool? So the thinking goes. But, no, Hockey Club is not clever or cool. It’s unimaginative and important to remember that sometimes there’s a good reason nobody else is doing what you’re doing — because it’s dumb.
Yeti might not be your personal top choice, but it’s a whole h-e-double-hockey-sticks of a lot better than riding through the Utah desert on a horse with no name. Even if it feels good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can remember your name, ‘cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Where were we? Oh, yeah, the Yeti.
We’re not talking about the cooler, the tumbler, the flask, the rambler, the backpack or the tote bag. We’re all about the humanoid creature, the mythical monster, the ape-like abominable one, the furry snowman who is said to live in the high reaches of the Himalayas.
According to Sherpa folklore, they stand tall — anywhere from 3 feet to 15 feet — and roam through the mountains, eating whatever their sharp teeth bite into. Some stories indicate that the Yeti can be ferocious and some whistle while they walk. Certain tales say they are guardians against evil spirits.
No credible person has ever found proof that the Yeti exist. A few photographs of footprints have stirred interest, but there’s been nothing conclusive to show that Yeti really live or have lived. Hair samples have been found, but they often have been determined to be from less-mystical animals, such as wolves and bears.
Yeti seem to be, mythically speaking, a cut above North American creatures such as Bigfoot. Not a soul seems to know for sure. There are only claims and conjecture. But that’s part of the fierce magic to the idea. The footprints and other markings that have been found in the elevated snow regions have been attributed by scientists to erosion, falling boulders and bears who have tread to and fro. But believe what you will.
Either way, there is no real Utah tie to the white- and gray- and dark-haired man-beasts. What’s the appeal, then, for Utah hockey fans?
Well. Hockey players are supposed to be strong, tough, fierce men themselves, big’uns who thrive on the ice of NHL venues. Those rinks may not be the glaciers of Everest or K2 or Nanga Parbat or Annapurna, but you go try to skate against the Golden Knights in T-Mobile Arena or the Canadiens at Bell Centre or the Hurricanes at PNC Arena.
Could Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay have done that? I don’t think so.
One last thing: What’s the plural form of Yeti? I’ve been using Yeti here. But the Britannica Dictionary reveals that it is Yetis. But that gets complicated because the name Utah is considering is thought to be Yeti, not Yetis. Or is it? When, say, the Flyers come into town to play Utah, or the Bruins are playing host to Utah in Boston, are they competing against the Yeti or the Yetis? Are the Utah players a pack of Yetis or do they combine their talents to make one very intimidating conjoined Yeti?
Beats me. If the latter is true, wouldn’t that be, in NFL terms, a little like the Texan playing the Chief, or the Raven playing the Bill, or the Commander playing the Lion? I mean, those are people and critters, not a form of music, like the Jazz, not like cascading snow, like the Avalanche.
Would Utah’s NHL team be leaning on and identifying with the famous Aristotle quote that, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts”? Or is a single Yeti simply more abominable than a bunch of them?
We just don’t know yet-i.
Ooh, apologies for that. But darn near anything, any title, any tag is better than the featureless, the plodding Utah Hockey Club. Let’s get on with it, then, and, legalities be damned, give without delay a team that deserves it a proper name.
