While attending a funeral last summer, Kalani Sitake felt the emotions stir inside of him again.
The Cougar football coach was thinking about life and loss.
Sure.
But he was also thinking about something else: the BYU-Utah rivalry game.
For so much of the last four decades, the head coach’s life has revolved around the axis of the rivalry.
Those bonds were clear to him in August, as he celebrated the life of former Ute player and longtime BYU defensive coordinator Ken Schmidt.
“There was Coach Mack (former Ute coach Ron McBride) and his wife Vicki. And there with Patti Edwards (LaVell Edwards’ widow). And there’s a lot of things that are more important than just the game itself,” Sitake said this week.
“It’s these friendships and these connections and relationships. It’s a beautiful part of what makes this rivalry so much fun.”
Sitake grew up idolizing legendary coach LaVell Edwards and went on to play for him at BYU. Sitake later coached at Utah. His family was split down the middle — a younger brother playing in Provo and an older brother in Salt Lake City.
And the Cougar coach has been waiting for the rivalry game to be restored to its former glory for years now.
When his team suits up next weekend, his wish will be granted. BYU and Utah will meet for the first time since 2021. And with the two schools in the same conference again for the first time in a decade, the Cougars and Utes figure to meet annually in Big 12 Conference play.
“We need each other, that’s always been the case,” Sitake said. “... I just hope everybody remembers what it was like when we didn’t have this game on the schedule and how difficult it was. Just didn’t feel right, you know?
“Nice to get back on the field and play this game, and then, just have it more consistent.”
This has been the longest break in the rivalry since the 1940s — when the programs went four years without playing each other from 1942-46.
“When you don’t have that consistent play and that consistent connection, you can sometimes take it for granted,” Sitake said.
He continued, “You realize that it’s a really good thing. I think a lot of people throughout the country recognize this rivalry is a really, really good rivalry. One of the best ones. I think it’s a really healthy one. I saw when LaVell and Ron McBride were together and the connection that they had together. And I think this is another chance for us, as we are reunited, to be connected and to enjoy it.”
But as the rivalry game returns, Sitake has a different perspective on what it all means.
And he wants fans on both sides to see that.
“This is a chance for us to do it even better and have a lot more respect and appreciation for each other. Because we are connected, whether you want to admit it or not. We are connected. I have a unique perspective because I’ve been on both sides.”
Sitake pointed to Utah coach Kyle Whittingham’s as an example. Whittingham played at BYU before leading Utah for the last 20 years.
“If it weren’t for Utah, I wouldn’t be here, you know? If it weren’t for BYU, [he] wouldn’t be in Utah,” Sitake said.
Much of Sitake’s staff has a similar story. Both his offensive and defensive coordinator coached at Utah.
Defensive line coach Sione Po’uha, linebackers coach Justin Ena and analyst Gary Andersen had stints in Salt Lake, too.
“There’s a lot of connections there,” Sitake said. This will be the first time in over a decade the two programs share a conference. It is also the first time this game has college football playoff stakes.
BYU is 8-0 and has a chance to make the College Football Playoff. Utah could derail that with a win.
“It would be a big help. Obviously, we’re in desperate need of a win,” Whittingham said this week. “There’s no doubt about that.”
Sitake desperately wants to win, too.
But the coach also wants to keep perspective.
“I was just a little 8- or 9-year-old, growing up. And just to think that in the future, there‘s going to be an opportunity where we’re actually in one of these power conferences, the Big 12. We’re here,” he said.
“I think we ought to take advantage of it, but just do it different. ... Do it the right way and have a lot of respect for each other and not make it so hostile,” he said.
Sitake’s perspective on the game significantly changed when he coached at Utah in 2005.
“It was really different when I got there as a coach,” he said. “Because I got to know a lot of the fans and amazing people. ... Not a lot different than people that I knew here at BYU.”
He finished, “I don’t like telling fans what to do, but man, this is a really cool thing. ... We’ve seen what it’s like to be away from each other, and now that we’re back together.
“I’m competitive. I want to win this game. But there’s nothing wrong with me being appreciative of them.”
