The distance between the family room and the kitchen isn’t very long in the Saleapaga household.
Connected by a narrow hallway lined with BYU paraphernalia and reminders of Keanu Saleapaga’s past life, it’s only a couple of steps from the back of the house to the front.
But on Saturday nights last year, for Saleapaga’s mammoth 6-foot-6 frame, it might as well have been a chasm. Oftentimes, as he heard BYU’s games blasting on the television, he couldn’t bring himself to venture into the front room. And he certainly couldn’t bring himself to stay.
Usually it took until the second quarter for him to work up the courage. He would stand by the entrance, watch a couple of plays, then leave. He would try again in the third quarter, this time getting all the way to the couch. He would watch a series, then leave again.
“It’s just painful,” Saleapaga thought to himself.
But what brought him back quarter after quarter was the other nagging thought in his head. He had already lost so much, he couldn’t lose football, too.
The sport had become both a burden and a necessity, a relationship that has defined Saleapaga’s last two years. He tried to keep it at arm’s distance, but also purposefully scheduled weekly barber shop appointments to hold onto the tendrils of football life.
It is why, after he unexpectedly lost both of his grandmothers and his cousin in the span of a year, and endured two shoulder surgeries, he quit BYU’s football team in 2021. But it is also why Saleapaga came back to BYU in 2022. Because when his life pushed him to the brink, football was the outlet that saved him.
It’s funny how these things work, he says. One day, he couldn’t get out of bed to play football. Then football became the only thing that could get him out of bed. And after nearly 900 days in between his last game and now, he is back in spring practice. In a few months, he will play his first game since the darkest moments of his life.
“Things got heavy on his shoulders,” Lori Saleapaga, his mother, said. “There was a lot of emotional damage to him and mental damage to him. There was physical pain, too. But I’m so happy he is back.”
(Rick Egan | The Salt Lake Tribune) Brigham Young wide receiver Micah Simon (13) celebrates after scoring the first Cougar touchdown with Brigham Young Cougars offensive lineman Keanu Saleapaga (61), in football action between Brigham Young Cougars and Liberty Flames at Lavell Edwards Stadium in Provo, Saturday, Nov. 9, 2019.
Grief without preparation
The phone call was unexpected for Lori Saleapaga.
She was preparing to board a plane to Hawaii in the coming days. BYU’s bowl game in December of 2019 was approaching, and Keanu was set to make another start on the offensive line. The bowl game was going to be a culmination of 22 games started in a row.
But when her mother’s number popped up on her phone, she knew something was wrong.
Antonia Lemusu was living in Samoa. She had lived in the small island country in the South Pacific for years and was self-sufficient. But through the phone, Lori realized her mother’s health deteriorated and she needed to be rushed back to the states.
By January, doctors realized her cancer had come back. By February, she was gone.
(Lori Saleapaga) Antonia Lemusu stands with Keanu Saleapaga before a game.
Keanu played BYU’s bowl game with a heavy heart. But before he could even process it, his own health took a turn. He needed shoulder surgery right after the bowl game. When the first surgery wasn’t successful, he needed another. And to add to it, his cousin, Jacqueline Visinia, died the night before his first surgery at the age of 23.
By the time COVID hit, Keanu was largely trapped with his own thoughts and a failing right shoulder. As the COVID-shorted season crept up, he knew he wouldn’t be healthy enough, both mentally and physically, to play.
“I just wasn’t in a good spot,” he said.
Saleapaga spent the next year physically on the team but mentally pretty much anywhere else. He would go to rehab when he could and class when he had to. He remembered life just became harder, even the basic things.
The final blow came almost exactly a year after his grandmother’s passing. He got another call from his mom, this time about his other grandmother.
He had grown up with Sosefina Saleapaga in California. They shared a home for most of his life and she came to everything. Unexpectedly, she died at the age of 71. The two were so close that she was buried in Saleapaga’s jersey.
“These are two women who literally raised him,” Lori said. “He lost two people that were very dear to his heart. And at the same time his physical ability was going downhill.”
Sosefina Salepaga stands with Laite Saleapaga. (Lori Saleapaga)
‘Like a depression’
Roger and Lori Saleapaga knew something was wrong when they saw the living room was a mess.
Keanu had always been the responsible one in the family. As the oldest of five siblings, Keanu was the one to do the chores in the house. Even in college, he would take out the trash and do the dishes. As he says, his worst fear was putting any sort of a burden on his parents.
So when they saw the living room with items strung all over, Keanu’s parents intervened. It was May of 2021, just over a year since he lost both of his grandparents. And, from their perspective, Keanu was diving deeper into grief.
“He was depressed because not only did he lose his two biggest supporters, he had his surgeries that kept him out,” Lori said. “We saw a change in him. He loved football. But even going to class, he wasn’t the same. For two straight years he was dealing with the loss of loved ones that he wasn’t expecting to leave this earth so soon.”
And it was in that May meeting with his parents, right before BYU’s 2021 season, that Keanu sat down in the kitchen and said he wanted to quit football. It pained him. He knew how much his parents had spent to get him to a Division I level. But everything felt like a burden.
(Lori Saleapaga) Keanu Saleapaga stands with his cousin, Jacqueline Visinia, who died at the age of 23.
He had never truly come to terms with his grandparents’ sudden deaths. Doctor’s appointments were starting to feel meaningless. And, if he was honest with himself, he didn’t know if health-wise he could ever start again on a Division I team.
When the conversation ended, Lori called head coach Kalani Sitake. The door, he said, would always be open for a comeback. But even he didn’t know if that was possible.
Fighting back
In the garage of Saleapaga’s home is basically a glorified barbershop.
Keanu had started cutting hair in high school. And as the years went on, he accumulated more and more supplies to the point where he almost owned a small business.
The garage has a barber chair and razors. It has a couch and a foosball table. It has ping pong. And most importantly, it has clients.
Most of them are BYU’s offensive line. And in the 2021 season, even when it was hard for him to watch football games, his teammates still needed weekly chops.
“He was still my barber,” Joe Tukuafu, BYU’s senior offensive lineman, said. “I’d go in and get my haircut. Then I would tell him to come back.”
Lori loved the visits from his teammates. Because week by week, she saw her son come back to her. His health in his shoulders improved being away from football. His mental state also climbed.
By the time BYU was preparing for its bowl game, Keanu started to see football as an outlet again. He had come to terms with his loss, and didn’t want his career to be another causality.
“I didn’t want to lose out on more,” he said. “I had worked so hard for everything.”
And in January of 2022, after over two years since he last played, he told the coaching staff he was coming back.
“We had an idea that he was getting close to being healthy enough to perform,” Sitake said. “We are still going slowly. But he is a great addition for us on the offensive line.”
Three weeks ago, he had his first practice. He is easing back into the swing of things. But he can wait. Because the journey has already taken long enough.
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