Pornography — broadly defined as sexually explicit images — has become a sort-of wallpaper of modern lives. It is everywhere: in our books, movies, computers, video games, social media posts, music and phones.
For many years, leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint warned members that porn was “dangerous,” “evil” and “damnable.” They taught that viewing porn was a sin.
In the past decade, though, the faith has suggested that repeated porn watching can be an addiction, like alcohol and drugs, often requiring professional help to overcome.
Earlier this month, apostle Patrick Kearon addressed attendees at a Utah Coalition Against Pornography conference, saying he was no expert but acknowledging he did have “painful and heartbreaking personal experience with loved ones entrapped by addictions.”
Some Latter-day Saint — and other — therapists now question the addiction hypothesis.
Count Idaho psychologist Cameron Staley, author of “Confessions of an LDS Sex Researcher” and creator of the “Life After Pornography” online program, among them.
(Cameron Staley) Latter-day Saint psychologist Cameron Staley says pornography "doesn’t teach healthy principles around consent or nonexploitation or safe sex practices or having shared values."
Here are lightly edited excerpts from The Salt Lake Tribune’s latest “Mormon Land” podcast in which Staley discusses whether viewing porn is a compulsive behavior; why men and women watch it; how the church has improved its rhetoric on the topic; and how to help those who want to stop looking at such images.
The church defines pornography as “any depiction, in pictures or writing, that is intended to inappropriately arouse sexual feelings.” Is that how you define it?
Typically, I think of porn as viewing individuals engaging in some type of sexual act.
What’s wrong with it?
Pornography is not intended to be a source of sex education and is definitely not appropriate for children or adolescents. It doesn’t teach healthy principles around consent or nonexploitation or safe sex practices or having shared values. Without having proper literacy, pornography could contribute to unrealistic expectations for performance or appearance or behaviors.
Is there a difference between adolescent boys, for instance, peeking at a Playboy magazine and adult men regularly reviewing hardcore videos?
There are some important differences. So when I think about adolescents, a lot of them are viewing sexual images because they’re curious. They don’t know what sexuality is about. They don’t know what bodies look like. Some of that is part of sexual development. And so a lot of it is coming from sexual desire, kind of raging hormones, all those things that we experience at that time. And so for adults, it could be similar. But for other adults, they might also be viewing it as a coping strategy, not just as a way to experience a sexual act, but they might be viewing it as a way to regulate stress or loneliness or shame or fears. And so that’s the part where it tends to shift over time, where it’s not just a sexual experience. It may be used to manage other states that are undesirable.
Do you see watching porn as addictive?
Addiction is maybe one of my least favorite terms, so I’ll do my best. OK, so addiction, typically, there are lots of definitions, but it’s often defined as a chronic medical disease that disrupts healthy functioning. It can be life-threatening if untreated. That’s typically what we think about with addiction. But it can also be defined as using a substance or engaging in behavior that can be compulsive that continues despite harmful consequences.
What’s the difference between compulsive behavior and addiction?
Sometimes we use those terms interchangeably, but when I think about a compulsion, it’s typically a behavior that we engage in to reduce or control an unwanted emotion, a physical sensation or some kind of an urge. When I’m working with folks, we start to learn together that there’s typically an emotion that precedes an urge to view pornography, and it’s often that emotion that is not recognized or understood, and we just kind of obey the urges. If we can better understand the emotions and address those and meet those needs, we can better manage those urges. An addiction would put more emphasis on the substance or the thing you’re viewing or engaging in, having more of an irresistible pull or something that’s more biological or neurological in nature that’s driving that. But people want to disregard that and say, “No, it’s got to be the brain. There’s got to be something else going on.” Emotions organize us for action. They drive us to do all kinds of things. Those who struggle with porn and substance use tend to be less aware of their emotions and so a lot of the treatment is increasing awareness. The more you can do that, the better you can navigate those urges or cravings.
Calling it an addiction essentially lets people off the hook as if they couldn’t control it, right?
If you overidentify with the struggle that you have, and say, I’m an addict, [you will see watching porn] as part of this disease that’s uncontrollable. Researchers have asked: Where did this addiction language come from, and how did it kind of enter churches and evangelical faiths? It really came to try to make sense of [the fact that there] are people who believe this is sinful and are still doing it. “They’re not rebelling against God,” [they reason]. “It’s got to be this disease process.” So I think it initially entered to reduce the sense of shame and responsibility. When you take that away, it keeps people stuck. If you let go of that addiction identity and language and say, “This is something that you are choosing, this is a coping strategy.” … We can choose other things. Our behaviors are 100 % in our control…. From that standpoint, it really does unlock agency and helps people facilitate making better choices that are consistent with their values.
For years, General Conference sermons about pornography were common. These days not so much. Are you seeing a change?
(The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). Apostle M. Russell Ballard said church leaders may have unintentionally demonized members who view pornography.
I have seen a shift. One of my favorite quotes is from Latter-day Saint apostle M. Russell Ballard, who’s passed away. He said this in 2017 [paraphrasing] that too many men and women suffer in silence because we have unintentionally demonized those who view pornography. Parents, family members and friends can do much more to help those in trouble by being willing to listen and offer support and encouragement. I felt like that was a powerful acknowledgment that giving so much focus on this, we might have made this a lot more difficult for people. Then President Dallin Oaks said not everyone is addicted and using that language is pretty unhelpful. The church handbook has changed language around addiction and talks about compulsion more. I’ve seen people better able to navigate that, because the messaging has shifted as well.
Do you think that many Latter-day Saints just don’t understand human sexuality in a healthy way?
In my experience, folks who tend to struggle more with porn grew up in a home where “we didn’t talk about it” and affection wasn’t shown. “We keep our bodies covered up.” There’s a lot of shame and discomfort around that. If they grow up in a home where “we don’t talk about this,” is there something bad or dangerous about it? They become kind of interested and find people attractive and have desire. That cultivates sexual development and isolation and shame. And anytime we have that kind of trajectory, we’re less likely to have conversation and discussions around sexuality. I do see a lot of couples where they say, “We’ve been faithful and good Latter-day Saints, and we get married, this should be good, but we’ve never had a conversation about our interests, our desires, our expectations.”
(Illustration by Christopher Cherrington | The Salt Lake Tribune)
The church uses a 12-step program to help members overcome pornography, but the first step is saying you are powerless to fight it. Isn’t that the opposite of what you’re saying?
Many of my clients have participated in 12-step programs and what they have found is that the group part is meaningful for connection and reducing shame. They can see “I’m not the only one,” and “Oh, they’re kind of like me.” That’s really helpful. But as far as taking responsibility and disempowering, I haven’t found that to be too helpful, and often people do need skills and principles about how the mind works to change behavior. [One therapist said] the church’s addiction recovery program is intended to be a support group and not a treatment. That’s a really helpful distinction.
How would you advise church leaders to address the issue of pornography now?
The more we can help people see their worth and their value and their intentions…and help them recognize that sexual desire is divine. It’s healthy to believe that you’re not a bad person. The more you can connect with that, the more you can see yourself as you truly are. I found that often what helps religious folks is continuing to participate in religious practices — if that’s attending church or taking the sacrament or attending the temple or serving in callings or going on missions. All those things that bring meaning and purpose and connection generally help people navigate this better.
To hear the full podcast, go to sltrib.com/podcasts/mormonland. To receive full “Mormon Land” transcripts, along with our complete newsletter and access to all Tribune religion content, support us at Patreon.com/mormonland.
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