Editor’s note • This is the concluding story in a six-part series on the impact of Utah’s religious divide on neighborhoods. Read the previous installments on the divide’s effect on children, block parties, even snow shoveling, and how the pressure to proselytize can impact relationships; and why some Utahns simply pack up and leave.
It can be painful to experience, obvious to observe, and easy to condemn the divide in Utah between members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and, well, everybody else.
It can be especially fraught between believing Latter-day Saints and those who have exited the faith.
The chasm, though, can be bridged and many good-hearted neighbors on both sides have found ways to do it. They avoid stereotypes, labeling and insensitive remarks, for instance, and brush off slights, perceived or purposeful. A little empathy and a lot of listening can go a long way.
Here are some suggestions gleaned from Salt Lake Tribune interviews that could help. Because those in the dominant culture may shoulder a greater responsibility to help and heal, the list for them is longer.
For Latter-day Saints
• Let your kids knock on all your neighbors’ doors at Halloween, and invite the whole neighborhood to trunk-or-treat events. It’s a sweet step toward inclusion.
• Don’t start neighborhood parties with prayer (unless all kinds of prayers are included) and be open to serving coffee and tea. Can we get an amen?
• Don’t have all your neighborhood gatherings at the church meetinghouse. The signs may say visitors are welcome, but not everyone may feel that way.
• Don’t avoid gatherings where there is alcohol (including at bars). A Diet Coke or a Sprite will do just fine.
• Treat neighbors as potential friends, not potential converts. Think more about sharing cookies, not a Book of Mormon.
• If invited, attend the celebrations and rituals in other people’s faiths. You’ll see your friends in a new light, and they will see you supporting them.
• Get to know all your neighbors, what their needs are, not just those of Latter-day Saints. Take “ministering,” with no ulterior motive, beyond your ward’s roster.
• Cut the church-speak. Don’t use terms like “brother” and “sister” or discuss church issues in general gatherings. Such chatter can be off-putting and exclusionary.
• Do more listening than talking. Ask about your neighbors’ holidays (even secular ones), their values or things they celebrate. You may be surprised by how much you have in common.
• Engage in service with your neighbors. Raking leaves, painting houses and emptying U-Hauls don’t require temple recommends.
• Be open to fair-minded criticism of the dominant culture; don’t get defensive. Utah 2024 isn’t Nauvoo 1844.
• Create friend groups across the divide based on common interests like same-age children, music, books, sports or hiking. Your kids, if you let them, can be great examples here.
• Don’t think of yourself as a victim. Listen to why others feel that they might be. Prejudice cuts many ways.
• Consider inviting nonmembers to speak at Sunday services and even to serve on, say, an activities committee. It’s already happening in some congregations.
• Shovel your neighbors’ driveways after a snowstorm, not just those of fellow members. There’s something satisfying about a warm gesture on a cold morning.
• Don’t ever suggest that those turned off by Latter-day Saint culture should move elsewhere. They love Utah, too.
We want to hear from you
How can we overcome Utah’s religious divide, which often separates Latter-day Saints from their neighbors and vice versa? Share your stories and ideas at voices@sltrib.com.
For those outside the church
• Don’t presume all Latter-day Saints are alike. Recognize individual differences. They’re not all, for starters, Republicans.
• Don’t refuse friendships or invitations, presuming they are trying to convert you. Latter-day Saints just want friends for friends’ sake, too.
• Don’t exclude Latter-day Saints because they don’t drink. Serve them something else. See the Diet Coke and Sprite entry above.
• Avoid mean-spirited humor or pejorative remarks about the dominant culture, its beliefs or its values. Religion is heartfelt, so don’t be heartless.
• Don’t argue with Latter-day Saints about religion or imply that they are misguided or that their faith is a cult. Believe in their right to belief.
• Don’t take every innocent question as an attack on your values or lifestyle. Allow your neighbors to be genuinely curious.
• Understand that the Latter-day Saint religion takes a lot of your neighbors’ time. Do not presume they are shunning you or being clannish. The two-hour block of meetings they attend on Sunday is just the beginning.
• Don’t automatically avoid Latter-day Saint professionals like therapists or doctors, assuming their services will somehow be “different” than the norm. Put some faith in their well-earned academic credentials.
• Engage Latter-day Saint friends and neighbors in candid conversations and encourage them to explore what bothers them about nonbelievers. Let your dialogue spread understanding and healing, not misinformation and hate.
There are, of course, countless other ways to build bridges in our neighborhoods. What are your ideas?
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