If you are looking for reasons as to whom to vote for this coming election, consider the fly that landed on Vice President Mike Pence’s head during the debate in Salt Lake City with Democratic opponent Kamala Harris.
If I were President Donald Trump’s running mate — and you should thank God I’m not — I would be worried. People are looking for signs in these trying times.
Given that flies were one of the 10 plagues visited upon ancient Egypt for refusing to let God’s people go in the Old Testament, it may sway one of Trump’s strongest voting blocs — churchgoers, seekers of signs, etc.
But this is important, so let’s stick with science. Not only did the fly land on Pence’s head, but it also stayed there for several minutes. It was impossible to ignore because Pence has white hair and flies are black.
Conclusion: There is no denying that the fly was there.
We should note that this was hardly the first episode involving flies and national debates. A 2016 faceoff between Trump and Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton included another fly intervention.
The fly spun in while Clinton was talking and roosted on her eyebrow for a few seconds. It wasn’t as persistent as the fly on Pence’s head, but maybe there was some unknown intrigue at work.
Suppose — and I’m not being entirely serious here — it was a Russian fly on Clinton’s face? It might even have been a sophisticated micro-drone that distracted just enough voters to tip the election.
Clinton lost that election despite so many know-it-alls predicting that she would thump Trump. News anchors raged, people wailed in the streets, a few bolted for Canada — although not as many as swore they would if Trump won.
Was it the fly that tipped the balance in such a close race? It doesn’t take much.
Here’s the thing: Whether a religious sign, a perfectly plausible scientific explanation or international meddling, Clinton lost the race. So Republicans need to take this fly on Pence’s head seriously — lest bigger and bolder signs arrive to get the point across.
What point? Well, that their election may be in jeopardy. (After all, the fly didn’t land on the Democratic side this time.)
And what if a bat flaps into the next debate and lands on Trump’s aircraft carrier hairdo? Even a dozy Joe Biden couldn’t remain oblivious if a winged monkey roosted on his rival’s head.
But, by then, it might be too late to pull this election back on track.
Personally, I’m waiting for more evidence. A scorpion crawling out of a candidate’s ear or another candidate being mauled by a stray hyena would definitely swing my vote.
Robert Kirby is The Salt Lake Tribune’s humor columnist. Follow Kirby on Facebook.
