Editor’s note • To protect Ellie’s privacy, as well as her family’s, only their first names are used.
Being adopted from foster care at the age of 19 gave me my life back — but I wouldn’t wish the years leading up to that on anyone.
Imagine the people you trusted the most, the people who were meant to love you and care for you, abusing you, not allowing you to go to school, not caring if you had food and keeping you isolated. That was my life before foster care, and I’m not alone. More than 100,000 kids in the United States are in foster care and can’t return home because it’s not safe.
After I was removed from my biological family, things didn’t improve right away. For years, I bounced between group homes and had no stability. It was hard to make friends. I didn’t have anyone in my life who loved me. It took a toll on me physically, mentally and academically. I was behind in school from missing years of classes while at my biological family’s house, and being bounced around group homes didn’t give me any consistency with my education or environment.
Years of research have shown that kids in foster care are more likely to struggle in school than their peers. Even if we’re able to make it to high school graduation, which is less likely to happen for kids in foster care, a startlingly low percentage of kids in foster care decide to go to college.
This is why kids in foster care need your support, no matter how old they are. The misconception that older kids in foster care will be fine on their own if they age out of care is dangerous and untrue. I encourage anyone considering adoption to think about adopting an older child or a teenager before they age out of care.
As I got closer to turning 18, I accepted the fate of aging out of care like the 20,000 kids who face that same fate each year. I truly thought I wouldn’t see my 20th birthday. I had no home and no family. I thought, “Who would want to adopt an 18-year-old?” But, in a twist of fate, I was placed in the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption’s program and my adoption recruiter, Chelsey, was instrumental in changing my life. Chelsey was one of the first adults I was able to trust. When I told her I had met two people who volunteered at my group home who I thought I might like to live with, she sought them out, reconnected us and helped me get the life I deserved.
I felt and still feel Matt and Shawn were always meant to be my parents. Soon after moving into their home, I knew I was meant to be there, and Chelsey worked to get the adoption through the court system.
Some people don’t realize that you can be adopted after the age of 18, but in many states, you can remain in foster care until age 21. I was officially adopted when I was 19, and it felt like a weight had finally been lifted off my shoulders. Matt and Shawn threw me a party with friends and family and even teachers who had meant a lot to me. They made me feel like I was worth celebrating for the first time in my life.
Once I wasn’t living in fight-or-flight mode, I could think about my future. Matt and Shawn helped me make up all the years of middle school I missed while simultaneously attending high school. Now, I’m working on completing my associate degree. I ultimately want to become a guardian ad litem to advocate for kids in the foster care system who are growing up like I did and need their voices to be heard.
If I hadn’t been adopted, I would have faced homelessness, unemployment and a myriad of other really scary outcomes. I might have abused substances like my biological family did. I’m so thankful I’ll never know where that path could have led. I’ll be forever grateful to Chelsey and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption for not letting that happen to me. And I will work to make sure other kids get the families they deserve, too.
If you have any interest in supporting youth in foster care in your community, I encourage you to put aside the misconception that older kids will be okay on their own and get involved. Volunteer at group homes, mentor youth in care or find another way you can show your support.
For any child in foster care who feels like giving up, feels like no one cares and no one is listening; I want you to know that I care.
Ellie is a 25-year-old woman living in Salt Lake City. She uses her lived experience in the foster care system to advocate for other youth in the system and for a positive change within the system. She plans to attend law school and become a guardian ad litem to further advocate for the voice of children.
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