I am the Democratic candidate who ran for the same state house seat as Rep. Kera Birkeland in the past two elections. I’m a 45-year-old parent of two daughters, a math nerd, a process guy, a bridge builder and a man of faith. I’m also transgender.
When I read about her recent comments regarding transgender women changing their gender on legal documents, I felt fear, anxiety and anger. I’m afraid my freedom to self-identify and right to privacy could be taken away. I’m scared I could be in greater danger, including higher risk of being attacked physically. My anger comes from my need for self-preservation, and I have been tempted to respond instinctively.
At the same time, I watched this situation spiral rapidly out of hand, increasing fear at each step. It escalated from Kera’s comments to the article’s response, then to the strong reactions I felt to responses I saw online, in texts and on calls from people on all sides.
I invite us all to de-escalate and find a more productive way to address this conflict.
Conflicts do not resolve while we are attacking. Instead, it’s more effective to take the time to truly listen to and understand each other. Knowing this, I chose to pause and get curious. I reached out to ask Rep. Birkeland what was going on, and to ask what she was thinking and planning.
Over the years, as both her constituent and a fellow competitor for office, Rep. Birkeland and I have had many conversations. We have talked about water, health care, justice, affordable housing, climate, agriculture, education, women’s rights and trans rights. While we disagree on many policy details, we have found that we both care deeply about people and want to serve our communities and keep people safe.
I have shared with her how, like many transgender people, I have been afraid for my safety in public restrooms. The national rhetoric around transgender people claims we’re unsafe and threatening. The reality is: We’re like anyone else. We simply want to go into a restroom, do our business and get out with as little attention as possible.
The violent rhetoric on social media and negative ad campaigns was frighteningly effective at earning votes by creating division nationally. I appreciate that Rep. Birkeland stayed true to a pledge to campaign constructively. She won reelection decisively without needing to join the trend to run an anti-trans negative ad campaign.
Meanwhile, in response to the article and to past bills she’s sponsored, she told me she has been insulted and received death threats.
Are people likely to change their mind and agree with someone after they’ve been called names, accused or threatened? No, they’re more likely to dig their heels in and resist even further. It can be hard for people to empathize with someone who has treated them poorly.
Knowing this, why do some people still choose to attack and threaten others?
When we’re feeling strong emotions, we have other options to respond besides making personal attacks or threats. We can challenge someone’s ideas and behaviors without dehumanizing that person. Yes, even when they are in the midst of dehumanizing us.
This does not mean we should avoid addressing problems and keep quiet. Instead, we can choose to share our own experiences and get curious. Ask questions and listen. Strive to learn more about where others are coming from and why. By doing so, we can see the humanity in each other.
Violence against women is a problem in our society. Some girls and women are fearful of having their “safe spaces” invaded by males. Acknowledging these fears creates a starting point for vulnerable conversations about restrooms. When we’re willing to briefly set aside our desire to convince, we can inspire others to do the same. This is my own interpretation of being the change you wish to see in the world. It is a spiritual practice, and it is effective advocacy.
Kera has listened to my concerns many times. Even when she disagrees with me and chooses another course of action, we continue to treat each other with respect and work to understand and be kind to each other.
I approach advocacy in this way for two main reasons: It is an effective way to find creative solutions that meet the needs of as many people as possible, and I maintain my personal integrity by staying true to my values while speaking my truth. I am fully committed to a future where people of all genders safely coexist. I invite those who crave safety to join me in building bridges and making peace. Let’s keep each other safe by protecting each other’s freedom and privacy.
(Kris Campbell) Kris Campbell lives in Summit County and was a candidate for Utah House District 4.
Kris Campbell lives in Summit County and was a candidate for Utah House District 4. He teaches people how to communicate to connect and stay in relationships, how to manage difficult conversations and how to build trust through communication.
The Salt Lake Tribune is committed to creating a space where Utahns can share ideas, perspectives and solutions that move our state forward. We rely on your insight to do this. Find out how to share your opinion here, and email us at voices@sltrib.com.
