As the snow begins to settle on the upper peaks of the Wasatch Mountains and Utah skiers set their minds on epic powder runs, bluebird days and fun with friends on the mountain, one question is on everyone’s mind: Which traffic will you be sitting in this winter?
It’s a tough question, and there are a lot of strong opinions out there. Many folks have brand loyalty to their ski pass and the traffic that comes with it. Do you prefer the scenic vistas of the Cottonwood Canyons’ traffic over the quaint mountain town aesthetic of Park City’s traffic? How about the quirkier, artsier traffic of Ogden? Or maybe you like to save time on your ski day by driving seven hours round trip to Brian Head.
Your brand of traffic is largely dependent on the pass you choose to buy. When it comes to mega-passes in Utah, there are two choices: the Epic Pass and the Ikon Pass. You can also stay loyal to your favorite slope and buy a single-mountain pass. Single-mountain traffic not included.
Lifts (and bald tires) start spinning soon, so if you’re still undecided about which traffic to choose, allow me to walk you through the factors that might influence your decision.
In Utah, the Epic Pass grants you access to one mountain — the gargantuan Park City Mountain Resort. If you choose the Ikon pass, meanwhile, you’ll have unlimited access to Solitude, as well as a number of days at Alta, Snowbird, Brighton, Deer Valley and Snowbasin. The majority of the Ikon resorts are in the Cottonwood Canyons, which are home to some of the most stunning traffic in the western United States. You just can’t go wrong while idling in the Cottonwoods. The snow-capped peaks and towering granite walls provide hours of great company, and your screams of hopelessness will feel a bit like an alpine yodel as they echo off the cliffs around you.
Each canyon offers its own local flavor. For those coming south towards the canyons, Big Cottonwood (home to Brighton and Solitude) offers a quicker entrance into the canyon that will give you the illusion of progress, which is more important than actually getting anywhere. Your ETA won’t change much compared to Little Cottonwood, but you’ll feel like you’re moving, and that’s what’s most important. That and skiing. Remember skiing?
Folks who want a more European traffic experience should opt for the Little Cottonwood resorts, Alta and Snowbird. The soaring cliffs and craggy peaks of Little will make you feel like you’re in the Swiss Alps, and the two-wheel-drive BMW sliding off the road in front of you will complete the scene. Light up a hand-rolled cigarette and relax. You’re going to be here for a while.
Now if you really want to pretend you’re getting somewhere, the Canyons side of PCMR is your best bet. Between your car, the shuttle from the overflow lot, the gondola up to the other gondola and the first chairlift, you can use up to five modes of transportation before taking your first turns. It’s like “Around the World in 80 Days” for Utah skiers. “Up to the Resort in Four Hours.”
Meanwhile, Deer Valley and the Park City side of PCMR give you your best chance at a celebrity traffic sighting, especially when Sundance traffic is added to the mix. Oh my God, is that Pedro Pascal yelling at the Land Rover blocking two lanes of traffic? The stars — they’re just like us!
Up north, you’ll find Snowbasin, which is on the Ikon Pass, and the now semi-private Powder Mountain, which I assume is on some kind of secret pass that’s only available to Fortune 500 CEOs and railroad tycoons.
Geography isn’t the only thing that should factor into your decision, though. It’s important to know which passes your friends have and whether you’re close enough to sit in a car with them for a few hours. Sure, your friendly coworker or chatty neighbor might be snagging the same pass as you, but small talk can only go so far. How’s the weather? It’s snowy. Got anything else?
You should even be careful which of your good friends you carpool with. The small bladdered among us may have to have some awkward conversations in the Cottonwoods, which serve as watersheds for the Salt Lake Valley. You might be close friends, but are you “pee in a bottle” close? Few are.
Utah skiers have a lot of factors going into their decision this winter. My advice? Just pick your favorite mountain and make those turns worth it. Go where you know the runs like the back of your hand and enjoy a few hours in those quiet chutes and meadows where traffic doesn’t exist.
The Red Snake is waiting on the drive home, but it can’t find you up there. Enjoy it.
(Photo courtesy of Brian Higgins) Brian Higgins
Brian Higgins is a writer and comedian in Salt Lake City.
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