Are you exhausted, or is it just us? The stark divides and contentious campaigns have embroiled our state and country for months leading up to Tuesday’s all-night climax. The decisive results for Donald Trump have left some of us elated, some devastated and probably not very many in between.
For Utahns invested in the outcome, it’s back to life as usual, right?
If only it were that simple.
Now that we’ve crossed the finish line of this emotionally charged marathon, we are badly in need of some recovery. Besides coming to grips with the results themselves and maybe taking a week off politics, some of our personal relationships might be on shaky ground — right in time for the holidays.
Your brother voted for Brian King for governor, your mom for Spencer Cox and your boss wrote in Phil Lyman. How do you move forward?
Both of us writing this have lost big on elections we were invested in, and we know how much it stings. We are the leaders of Utah’s chapter of Braver Angels, the nation’s largest cross-partisan, volunteer-led organization working to bridge the partisan divide. One of us leans right (“red”) and the other left (“blue”). Each of us was a full participant in toxic polarization earlier in our lives, and we came to understand a better way that has been life-changing. While we both have stark differences and strong opinions, we have come to the view that nobody is not worth talking to.
Our advice to the left: Take a moment, but come back fully engaged. We need you. For the next few years, you have a specific and important role to play in our democracy, which is to find productive ways to keep challenging those of us on the right. Point out hypocrisy and when we fail to live up to our own principles. Keep showing us the things that are obvious from your point of view but that we are sometimes blind to. Some will ignore or mock you, but others are listening.
Advice for the right: Have the backs of your Democrat neighbors. Proceed cautiously with a Republican mandate and listen to the perspective of your friends and family on the left. Leverage their viewpoint so that you can find new wins on common ground, and avoid unnecessary pitfalls.
For all of us together in the short term, please consider the following steps (with suggested resources). They don’t ask you to compromise your principles. On the contrary, they can supercharge your relationships while making you more effective than ever in advocating for what you believe in.
Process your own feelings on the election results, recognizing that anger and hatred is often unprocessed fear. You can do this through meditation, writing and spending time in nature.
Find organizations that moderate group discussions on controversial issues. Braver Angels Utah holds a Lunch Chat every Wednesday at noon, and all are welcome to join. 3Practice Circles and Living Room Conversations are other organizations where you can learn and practice skills for effective conversations.
Improve and hone your communication skills, especially relating to conflict. We recommend reading Mónica Guzmán’s book “I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times” and Amanda Ripley’s book “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out.”
Initiate a one-on-one conversation with someone who you know approaches politics differently than you. Your goal here is to understand, never to change, so enter the conversation with curiosity and compassion. The Braver Way outlines effective communication guardrails.
Continue to build bridges one conversation at a time, understanding that this is the work of a lifetime — not just one political cycle. While election campaigns hyper-focus on our starkest differences, large swaths of useful common ground are revealed as we connect face to face.
This election isn’t the end of politics. It’s an opportunity to heal and reset, to grow, to strengthen relationships and to forge new pathways of collaboration. And it’s fueled by a deeper understanding of your neighbors who vote differently than you. Whether or not our preferred candidates will be taking office, this is our opportunity to pledge to support our elected officials in the ways that we can, and lock arms with fellow Utahns and Americans in building a house united.
In a recent podcast with psychologist Tara Brach and journalist Dan Harris, Tara said that “the most compelling and sacred work of these times is to bridge divides.” If we can do that together, then everyone wins.
(Lori Cartwright) Lori Cartwright is the Blue State Coordinator at Braver Angels Utah.
Lori Cartwright is the Blue State Coordinator at Braver Angels Utah.
(Jefferson Shupe) Jefferson Shupe is the Red State Coordinator at Braver Angels Utah.
Jefferson Shupe is the Red State Coordinator at Braver Angels Utah.
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