I’ve been familiar with grief for almost my entire life. My mami lost her father at a young age, and I was only 1 year old. While I couldn’t comprehend loss until later in life, I remember her speaking about my tata with so much love and honor for him.
I admired her relationship with her father, but I was always confused by how people treated her grief. When she would try to share her feelings or memories, family members would dismiss them and tell her that she doesn’t look like him or act like him.
Now, however, I encourage my mom to talk about him. I know that doing so helps her — and I know that this is an act of being grief literate.
While grieving is a natural part of life, it is one of the most misunderstood and mistreated emotional experiences. The ability to understand, connect with and assist people going through loss is known as grief literacy, and it is essential for building compassionate support networks.
In 2022, my family and I lost my tita, and my world stopped. I remember the tightness in my chest and when I found out. I was told: “You must help your mother through this. She will need someone strong to be there for her.” Reflecting our family-oriented Mexican culture, my needs came second to my family’s needs. I wish someone had asked how I was feeling.
In 2023, we built our first ofrenda, an altar, for Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead — a holiday honoring people who have died. Our ofrenda was for my tita, my tata and my other family members. It was a beautiful experience that highlighted how our culture honors the dead. We put up pictures of our family, sugar skulls, candles, flowers, a cross and a picture of Mary.
Ours was a bit different from other altars you would see because it was our first time. Families who celebrate Día de los Muertos can celebrate it differently and, sometimes, families don’t celebrate it at all because the loss is too painful and they prefer to mourn privately. Every family is different, and every person’s grief is a unique experience. Simply asking a person or family to share the memories of the person they lost can create a safe space where they feel they are allowed to feel whatever they are feeling in the moment.
As a master of social work student, and as someone who has experienced loss, I see the importance of understanding individual needs when grieving. Although grief is universal, stigmas surrounding it often intensify the pain. Grief literacy reduces stigma by embracing diverse grieving experiences.
Research underscores the need to integrate grief literacy into everyday life to create more compassionate communities. In her work, Lauren J. Breen advocates for moving away from narratives that push people to “move on” quickly and instead encourages discussions in workplaces, schools and social media. We create safe spaces for those experiencing loss by viewing grief as a lifelong process. This shift requires conversations, sharing grief stories and embracing a culture that values grief rather than shaming it.
In my family, it required giving each other the space to share memories and talk about difficult emotions — even if it felt uncomfortable at times.
A grief-literate society begins with families and community efforts. Promoting grief literacy locally builds on existing knowledge and challenges assumptions. In Utah, our community does that well by making a casserole for a grieving person. But there’s more we can do for our grieving neighbors, like going grocery shopping; helping care for the children; calling and asking how they’re doing; creating a care basket; or writing a card. If they’re comfortable with it, you can even offer to help memorialize those who are being grieved — through an ofrenda, for example.
Resources like Grief Literacy’s Instagram page have other ideas, too.
Grief literacy bridges the gap between emotional expression and cultural traditions. It allows us to respect our traditions and culture while making room for the emotional complexities of loss. As society becomes more aware of mental health, grief literacy must be part of the conversation. Loss is inevitable, but we can help one another navigate difficult moments with knowledge and support. A grief-literate society will reduce the stigma and ensure people receive the meaningful support they need.
(Kimberly Ponce Gonzalez) Kimberly Ponce Gonzalez is a master of social work student at the University of Utah.
Kimberly Ponce Gonzalez is a master of social work student at the University of Utah.
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