A distinct smell of my childhood includes the smell of mothballs. My grandma’s house, closet and clothes were thick with the smell. A hug and kiss from grandma was a hug and kiss from the scent of mothballs.
Although the experience at the time was not always welcome, I now smile on the rare occasions that I come across the olfactory explosion. But the memory has another meaning to me now: Should a person be allowed to say no to touch from another human without the threat of consequence?
I loved my grandma and spent every summer at her house in the crisp Washington air. But if asked, I would have refused her mothball kisses.
Now that I have four young children of my own, I have dived into the concept of consent and the importance it plays in a child’s development. The confidence it gives the child to show up in the world just as they are, not afraid of consequences when they stand up for their desires and bodies. My bookcases have more children’s books than adult novels, and sprinkled throughout those books are messages on bodies, maturation and, most importantly, consent.
Before mom comes in for a hug, my kids know that I am going to ask if they want that hug. And when they don’t, there isn’t a big display of disappointment — even though sometimes that’s a hard emotion to conceal. They get to choose what happens to their bodies and whether they want a hug from mom. That’s empowering to them, setting the stage for more serious decisions they will make about their bodies as they get older.
Researchers suggest that consent should be addressed many times throughout a child’s life and into adulthood. Continuing to address the topic is a way to truly instill these values that have overarching benefits. There’s evidence that consent education has an impact of safer choices in sexual behaviors in the future and in academic success.
Utah is known to be a leader among other states in areas such as mail-in voting and juvenile justice. Where other states haven’t seen the benefits of enacting these important laws, Utah has ensured that its residents will benefit from research-based policies.
Utah has a chance to join other states by being a leader in sexual education, as well. The Guttmacher Institute shows that only 28 states require sexual education and only 18 states require that sex ed must be medically accurate. Utah is proudly included in both of those statistics, requiring sex ed in schools and requiring that the education be medically accurate. The next step would be for Utah to join the 10 states that also include consent as part of their sexual education curriculum.
Consent not only equips children and teens to advocate for their needs, but also ensures they respect the boundaries that others set for themselves. Consent serves everyone. If children are taught consent throughout elementary, middle and high school, they will be better equipped to leave the safety of their family home and respect themselves and others wherever they go.
Given how important this topic is, you can take action by calling your representative. In 2018, House Bill 286 updated legislation in sexual education and included refusal skills. However, lawmakers cut out requirements concerning consent. Bringing this issue up with our lawmakers will encourage them to include consent in their next update to sexual education.
Parents who are interested in reading books about consent with their children can also check out “Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect,” “Amazing You!” and “It’s Not the Stork!”
(Rachel Hyatt) Rachel Hyatt is a social work student at the University of Utah.
Rachel Hyatt is a social work student at the University of Utah. She is passionate about education and has worked in special education and taught English while living aboard with her young family.
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