Outside of the (relatively) lush Wasatch Front, Utah is a harsh place to survive. But life, as Dr. Ian Malcolm would say, finds a way.
Out on the desert plains, flora and fauna fight for each drop of moisture that comes their way, using every trick of evolution and adaptability at their disposal to survive. A trip to the desert is always a good reminder of life’s resiliency.
So is a trip to a Utah liquor store.
Just as the indomitable Utah Juniper stands tall through freezing temperatures, unrelenting winds and scorching droughts alike, so too does the Utah Imbiber adapt to constant changes in an inhospitable climate.
Actually, I think we’ve got it harder. Those plants only have to survive in the third-driest state in the country. We have to survive in the driest.
I started reflecting on Utah’s liquor laws on a recent trip to get refrigerated beer from the liquor store. Yes, refrigerated liquor store beer right here in downtown Salt Lake City. Our state’s top scientists have finally found a way to keep high-percentage beer at a cold temperature between North Temple and 1300 S. A problem that has been vexing them for years, apparently.
These mind-blowing “refrigerators,” which Webster defines as “appliances for keeping food or other items cool,” have been popping up around Salt Lake County for a while. They hadn’t reached downtown until June, however, when the new two-story liquor store opened on 300 S.
A marvel of modern engineering, this ice-cold mecca is carrying Salt Lake craft beer enthusiasts into the modern age. If we keep this up, we’ll have a microwave in every home by 2040.
As I walked from my apartment by Liberty Park to this new Xanadu, choosing to make a journey out of what has been a long journey for many of us, I thought about the steps that got us here.
The last time Salt Lake beer-lovers got news this good was in 2019, when the state did away with its infamous 3.2% beer. Which was 3.2% by weight, not volume, actually. By volume, it was 4%. So it was basically real beer, or so I told myself.
We also got a taste of cold high-point beer in downtown Salt Lake last winter during the 2023 NBA All-Star Game, when a pop-up liquor store appeared in the Salt Palace Convention Center. This unprecedented retailer featured some excellent Utah beers, safely tucked behind the frosty glass panes of a refrigerator door. That was our first real chance to have a cold one in the 84101, but if you didn’t make the trip, or if, like me, you bought James Harden’s terrible wine instead, you missed your shot.
The glory of the pop-up shop was short-lived, anyway. Plus, its historic time in the sun was overshadowed by Shaq and Charles Barkley clowning on our town all weekend. “There’s nothing to do in this boring-a** city,” Barkley declared on national television.Well, look at us now, Chuck. Look at us now. Nothing to do? On a Friday night, I can now get a cold, 5.2% beer until 10 p.m. Let’s see you do that in Atlanta.
Sure, we’ve got a long way to go. I dream of a world where I can get one of these over-5% craft beers on tap, eliminating the absurd environmental waste that comes with canning every single high-point beer sold in the state. As an IPA-lover, my aluminum footprint could probably provide bats for a whole little league team at this point. “Brian’s Brewers,” they’d be called. Last in the standings, first in our hearts.
Refrigerated liquor store beer is a step in the right direction, though. Who knows what’s next? Someday soon, you may be able to drink at a Restaurant (not a Bar) without pretending to eat the french fries you had to legally order. “Think of the french fry lobby!” Utah legislators will inevitably shout before shutting it all down. But like those desert plants and animals, we’ll persist.
If the Utah Juniper’s secret to survival is a massive system of underground roots, maybe the Utah Imbiber’s secret is a massive sense of humor. We have to have fun making a big deal about the baby steps. That’s why I paused inside the liquor store for an extra moment to marvel at the sign I’d waited so long to see: “Cold Beer.”
Because, like those rare desert rains, these joyous moments are few and far between. Soon, it’s back to our harsh, dry reality.
If you’re wondering, my first four-pack included a Millions of Peach-Ish IPA by Uinta Brewing, an Idea Shower Cold IPA by Helper Beer, a Planet Utah Double IPA by Silver Reef Brewing, and a Dangereux Farmhouse Ale by 2 Row Brewing.
It was almost worth the wait.
(Photo courtesy of Brian Higgins) Brian Higgins
Brian Higgins is a writer and comedian in Salt Lake City.
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