Rachelle’s child was placed with Heather, a foster parent, five months after birth. Both women have written columns sharing their experience with foster care. Rachelle’s is below, and you can read Heather’s here. To protect their privacy, as well as the child’s, only their first names are used.
Five months. That’s how old my child was when they were removed from my care.
When I heard the words “foster care,” nothing good came to mind. I wanted to dislike Heather because, after all, she was there for all the milestones I missed out on: crawling, walking and talking.
Watching someone else raise your child is agonizing, but I knew in my heart that we had to work together as a team, because that would be in my child’s best interest. And that’s just what we did.
Initially, I was angry and ashamed. “I can’t ever let anyone find out about this,” I thought to myself. “What will they think of me?” I thought others would see me as a bad mother who doesn’t love or care for her child, and I felt I had to prove them wrong.
As reunification grew closer, I became incredibly nervous. I worried that maybe I wasn’t good enough for my child or that maybe they loved Heather more than me. But Heather’s support and faith in me drove me to believe I was the mother my child deserved. She was always my biggest advocate. She believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.
While working with a foster mother was likely the most difficult experience I will ever face, I can truly say it made me a better person and an even better mother.
People will ask me how I’m able to remain so close to the woman that fostered my child and, truthfully, it’s easy. I recognize that Heather and my child will always have a special bond, and I don’t hold any resentment for that, as I know that would only hurt my child.
Heather has become my friend through this long journey, and I consider her family at this point. She still plays a very active role in my kiddo’s life: She sees them at least once a month, and we communicate frequently. I send her pictures, and I always fill her in on the silly things my kid says or does because I know she appreciates it.
As a single mom, you need as much help as you can get. I am thankful that, even though her foster duties for my child have come to an end, Heather still shows up for my family. It takes a special kind of person to step up and be there for a child that isn’t their own, and that is why she will forever hold a special place in my child’s and my hearts. That’s what foster care is about.
Rachelle is a proud mom to three, two of which are dogs, and has a passion for helping people.
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