I talk a lot with clients about how depression is a natural adaptation to certain kinds and quantities of stress — things that create a feeling of helplessness, are overwhelming or feel inescapable. When we experience depression, our body diverts energy from non-urgent things to basic functions. Many mammals in cold regions experience metabolic depression in winter because efforts to gather food in cold dark conditions would be less productive than shutting everything down and just waiting for the snow to melt. Their bodies know to eat up and wait it out.
Humans are mammals, and we have the same natural tendency to experience this metabolic depression during the dark months. I felt it in my bones this past week. The sleepiness. The desire to cuddle up in a warm blanket and veg out on Hallmarks. The urge to stock up on precious calories from delicious sources. I actually kind of enjoy the sensation (look up the Danish tradition of “hygge.”)
But there’s a sinister side to depression that doesn’t come from biology. Each winter, we as humans face a number of mental health challenges that stem from depression.
Shame
Shame, which can come in stronger doses in the holiday season from several sources, is a particularly painful side effect. Some depressive shame comes down to function. Modern society persecutes those who are slow and unproductive. Many of our bodies will feel the urge to slow down, which may spike a culturally formed anxiety about being tired and unproductive. The conflict of these two feelings can be quite painful.
Expectations
The second challenge, compounded by our body’s desire to rest, is the weight of expectations. So many people act as if the holidays are supposed to go a certain way, as if they were getting graded on their gifts, parties, decorations or interactions with in-laws and extended family. That is so much pressure. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could actually relax during the holidays? Christmas, which is supposed to be about charity — a force of unconditional love — becomes a market of gift debts in which people stress about whether they are showing enough love to enough people to be considered “good enough.” And, they feel resentful if they don’t get enough love in the form of stuff in exchange for their expressions of love in the form of stuff.
Loneliness
Loneliness can impact anyone during the holidays, but it can be exacerbated by constant messaging that the holidays are all about togetherness. This can make anyone feel ashamed of being alone, or that their loneliness is due to something wrong with them. This shame can compound the effects of depression.
Body Image
Lastly, there is often shame associated with gaining weight over the holidays. That hibernation instinct kicks in for humans, too, and it compounds with the stress-eating of ever-present holiday treats. We don’t necessarily address this by dieting, but by recognizing and normalizing the mechanisms by which our bodies change, which we shouldn’t be ashamed of.
So, how can we stop the madness? It starts with sitting with the belief that it is ok to be a mammal, and that it’s ok to do the holidays however you actually want, not how others expect you to do them.
Next is recognizing that this anxiety came from somewhere. It makes sense that we would freak out about the holidays because we learn from experience. Chances are that this anxiety was instilled in us from actual people, and we must recognize they inherited it, as well. There is no one to blame, and compassion for ourselves and others is the only way out of this.
Sitting with our emotions (even if it is that horrible holiday restlessness) will help us identify what is behind them and help us process them. We all want to get to a place in which we feel comfortable moving through the holidays as healthily and authentically as possible.
As far as our bodily instinct to slow down, I suggest we lean into it as much as is reasonably possible. When we fight natural body processes, we experience side effects. But, if modern life demands our bodies act like it’s spring time, use your bright lights, turn up the heat, increase exercise and social contact and replace holiday hibernation foods with nutrient-rich options. Giving yourself warm-weather stimuli can provide some temporary help.
Loneliness requires its own discussion space, but I’ll just say it can only be cured by loving contact. If there is really no one you feel safe reaching out to, then you might need to start with the mirror or your journal. You may give yourself enough validation to take the next step to talking to someone who can help you feel safe and known.
You may go on to talk to a mental health professional, community leader, or others who can help you take the steps to connect with others.
Boone Christianson
Boone Christianson is a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Steps Family Therapy in Provo. He lives with his wife and two children, and he seeks to educate the public on practical therapeutic skills and mental health generally.
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