Here come the holidays, and all we’re going to hear about is Ukraine.
I know, who’d have thought? There’s the impeachment drama, and it’s all about Ukraine. The Democratic primaries are coming up, and every one of the 92 candidates is worried about mispronouncing Kyiv.
You’re going to be arguing about it at every office party. Did President Donald Trump really threaten to withhold military aid unless Ukraine’s president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy, helped him dig up some dirt on Joe Biden?
Topic for discussion. Would you be happier if everybody was talking about:
A) The way the Russians made Trump president.
B) The way Joe Biden’s son made a ton of money in Ukraine.
C) Controversy over the Dallas Cowboys’ plans for the Thanksgiving Day halftime performance.
Yeah, you always go for C.
The House Intelligence Committee kicked off its public impeachment hearings Wednesday with the famous phone call between Trump and Zelenskiy, who was ebullient about winning the parliamentary elections. After swooping through congratulations, Trump got to, “I would like you to do us a favor though.” Which of course involved an investigation into Hunter Biden’s business dealings.
Much easier to move through this part if we all agree in advance that taking a big-bucks job from a Ukrainian gas company when you know nothing whatsoever about gas is acceptable only if your father is not a famous politician and you won the post in an international lottery.
But before we leave the subject, people, is it fair to point out that while the Intelligence Committee was holding its hearing, Trump was meeting with his great friend Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan? And to wonder if they took the opportunity to discuss Erdogan’s son-in-law, the national finance minister, who is friends with White House adviser Jared Kushner?
Back to Ukraine. Before now, most of the political talk about Ukraine involved a very complicated right-wing conspiracy theory that the country was the epicenter of a pro-Hillary plot to make it look as if Russia conspired to help Trump get elected.
Nobody loves a conspiracy like a Sore Winner.
“It seems you agreed, wittingly or unwittingly, to participate in a drama,” Republican Devin Nunes told the Intelligence Committee witnesses. “But the main performance, the Russia hoax, has ended. And you’ve been cast in the low-rent Ukrainian sequel.”
Not in the least depressed by that opening, the two witnesses, both veteran American diplomats, provided a lot of evidence that Trump was pressuring Zelenskiy to investigate the Bidens. Republicans noted that neither of them had actually heard the words from the president himself. This would be a reasonable complaint if the administration had allowed anyone who did talk with him to testify.
Still to be heard from, however, is Gordon Sondland, the U.S. ambassador to the European Union, big political donor, and an extremely chatty guy who was quoted continually.
Biggest news of the day was Ambassador William Taylor’s recounting of a call between Trump and Sondland. The president — whose voice really does carry over a cellphone — was heard referring to “the investigations.” After which Sondland commented that Trump cared much more about investigating Joe and Hunter Biden than he did about Ukraine.
You have got to feel sorry for Zelenskiy. When he ran as a reform candidate, he was probably imagining making his country known by schoolchildren around the world. Making a date to be interviewed on CNN. Being pursued for his opinions by every media outlet in the world.
See what wishful thinking will get you.
Taylor was working as the executive vice president of the U.S. Institute of Peace when Donald Trump asked him to become the top diplomat in Ukraine, a country where he had served before. Remarkably, his wife thought he’d be better off in the Peace job.
Always listen to your spouse. Taylor discovered that there was an “irregular informal channel of U.S. policymaking” that included, among others, Rick Perry, Rudy Giuliani and Mick Mulvaney, the now-famous acting White House chief of staff.
Who wouldn’t be unnerved by that? Sort of like agreeing to become sheriff in the Wild West, and walking into the saloon to see Jesse James, Billy the Kid and the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang working on a new city charter.
Many, many present and former Trump officials have refused to testify in public about the Ukraine story. Some of whom are scared, some of whom are under orders, and some of whom are saving it all for their multimillion-dollar book deal. Looking at you, John Bolton.
At the hearing, the Republican strategy involved pointing out that neither of the witnesses had heard anything from Trump’s own lips. It was their best argument, although not as interesting as Lindsey Graham’s contention that the administration was so inept its members were “incapable of forming a quid pro quo.”
They’re going to need to get a lot more creative. Everybody knows you have to keep the president happy or he’ll drop you like a cold Big Mac. Just this week, Trump deleted his tweet encouraging people to vote for Sean Spicer on “Dancing With the Stars” after Spicer was eliminated. Sean who? Never heard of the man.
Gail Collins | The New York Times (CREDIT: Earl Wilson/The New York Times)
Gail Collins is an Op-Ed columnist for The New York Times.
