With profuse apologies to the late Crockett Johnson, author of “Harold and the Purple Crayon.”
One evening, after thinking it over for some time, Donald decided he wanted to be president.
He drew a picture that made his hands look very big.
He drew another picture that made dark people look scary and another that made the president into a mean Muslim from Africa.
He made a picture of a swamp with frightening alligators, a picture of terrible monsters in Chicago and a picture of dangerous animals from Central America.
Still, Donald did not win most of the votes. So he drew a picture of the other side cheating and called it fraud.
He drew a picture of his inauguration with so many people in it!
Then Donald set off to be president, taking his big, black Sharpie with him. And the moon followed him.
Being president is hard work, which he did not like. So he drew pictures that made it look as though he was working on the golf course and at the country club.
He drew a lot of pictures that showed polls going up, up, up!
He drew a picture of himself with all his children. He made everybody slender. He drew his advisers. He made them look competent.
He drew a picture of the Constitution that said immigrants cannot be citizens.
He drew a certificate for himself that said he was a genius and another saying he was very healthy.
He drew a picture of himself giving money to charity and still having more money than anybody ever thought he did.
He drew a country called Nambia.
He drew a witch hunt.
He drew a picture of happy people getting tax cuts and great health care and another picture of the government debt going away.
He drew a picture of workers with smiley faces in steel mills. He drew a picture of ships going across the ocean to China with lots of coal and soybeans. He drew a picture of Chinese people waving a white flag.
He drew a picture of the Group of Seven with Russia at the table.
He drew a picture of Greenland with America's flag on it.
He wanted to meet with allies, but he did not have any, so he drew some. They looked happy.
He drew a picture of George Washington's army fighting at airports!
He drew Democrats as criminals and reporters as traitors.
He drew a weather map with a big, frightening storm!
But there was one thing Donald did not know how to draw: He could not make a picture of Mexico paying him for a wall.
So he drew a picture of the Pentagon paying for the wall by taking money away from 127 projects.
They took money from schools and day care for children of military families. They took money away from a place for troops to eat. They took away fire stations from people who fly planes. They took money from people hurt by storms in Puerto Rico.
They took money that protected Japan and South Korea. They took money that protected Europe from Russia. Many people were sad.
But, luckily, Donald kept his wits, and his black Sharpie. He drew schools for the children and a dining room and fire stations for the troops. He erased Puerto Rico from the map. He drew Kim Jong Un with valentines instead of bombs so he did not frighten Japan and South Korea. He drew fierce dragons and a moat to protect Europe from Russia. He drew a friendly Vladimir Putin who would not frighten them.
After all this work, Donald was hungry and tired. He drew himself nine Big Macs and he ate them all. He made his bed and he drew Melania in it. She was frowning, so he drew a smile on her face. He got in bed and drew up the covers.
The black Sharpie dropped on the floor. And Donald dropped off to sleep.
Dana Milbank | The Washington Post
Follow Dana Milbank on Twitter, @Milbank.
