‘Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’ recap: No grand entrance for Britani, and maybe a farewell

The first and last words uttered on the final episode of season 5 of “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” are from Britani Bateman — and both times, she’s complaining.

On the third and last episode of this season’s reunion, we get a lot of Britani — the “friend” who did not get her snowflake, the symbolic token in the opening credits held by full-time Salt Lake City cast members.

The castmates also work through the more contentious arguments that arose over the season, and try again to “burn” some bad sentiments that couldn’t be dismissed on their Mexico trip.

Britani, Jared and Bronwyn

The episode starts with the production crew setting up the reunion’s next segment, directing Britani to one of the couches. Britani complains, “I get no grand entrance?”

Andy Cohen notes that Britani arrived in the same pink gown Angie Katsanevas was wearing — and that Britani quickly changed into a spangly sequined number. Angie, a professional hairdresser who dissed Britani’s hair earlier in the season, tells Britani that “this is the best your hair has ever looked.”

Andy jumps right in, asking Britani about her current status with sometimes-boyfriend Jared Osmond. “We’ve been broken up since June,” Britani reports, though she adds that they’ve tried a couple times to get back together since then.

(The reunion was taped on Dec. 5. Just before Christmas, both Jared and Britani posted on Instagram that they were “officially” boyfriend and girlfriend — though that post has apparently been deleted from Britani’s account, while Jared’s account has been switched to private.)

“Every single time we get back together,” Britani tells the other castmates on the couch, “he makes these promises that he won’t be texting after single girls. And this last time, I found him deleting texts from single girls. Like, he will do what he wants to do.”

Bronwyn Newport takes back something she said earlier in the season: that Britani was dating Jason to latch onto the Osmond name. “It probably wasn’t super-cool of me to insinuate that,” Brownyn says.

But Bronwyn continues to say Jared has treated Britani poorly. “Everything I know about Jared, he’s categorically the worst,” Bronwyn says. “He said horrific things about you on Twitter. He said horrific things about me on Twitter. He’s come for everybody on this show.”

Britani also updated the castmates on her relationship with her daughters. Britani was estranged from them — a result, the twice-divorced Britani has said in the past, of her second marriage. Since filming wrapped on this season, Britani says she has reconnected with both daughters and they “literally talk every day.”

Britani then asks Bronwyn, “Why did you meddle?” in Britani’s relationship with her daughters. Bronwyn counters that she’s “never spoken directly” to either daughter. Britani replies that “you use little flying monkeys to do it for you,” though it’s not explained well what Bronwyn supposedly did to interfere.

Andy jumps in to clarify that Britani said during her casting interview that she and her daughters were not speaking — which was before Britani ever met Bronwyn. Andy says to Britani, “it sounds like you’re hanging this all on Bronwyn,” and Britani says, without explaining why, that she blames Bronwyn for a three-month delay in Britani’s reconciliation with her daughters.

Talking about faith

Andy moves on to religion, centering on two significant events during the season: Meredith Marks’ bat mitzvah, and a home fireside — a tradition of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — at Britani’s house, where Angie Katsanevas upset Britani by bringing a bottle of wine as a hostess gift.

Both of those events prompted strong comments — mostly from Angie, but also from Heather Gay — about how Britani observes her Latter-day Saint faith.

Angie, at a couple of the Housewives’ gatherings, pointed out that Britani does drink wine and has dated several men. Both are indications, in Angie’s view, that Britani isn’t keeping to the teachings of the Latter-day Saint faith — particularly its guidance against drinking alcohol or engaging in sex outside of marriage.

“Britani’s leading a double life,” says Heather, who grew up in the faith. “She’s an active Mormon. And to be an active Mormon and not get kicked out of the church, you can’t have sex, you can’t drink, and you’re doing both.” Bronwyn, who also was raised in the faith, agrees.

Angie, who isn’t in the faith but says she “grew up with Mormons the way Heather was raised,” tells Britani that “you’re from Provo, but you’re not a Mormon that I grew up with.”

The moment plays like a reverse version of a lunch conversation the cast members had on their Mexico trip. Britani confessed that she had been lying to the castmates, by not admitting that she had engaged in sex with Jared while they were dating. At the time, Heather, Bronwyn and Whitney Rose, who also grew up in the Latter-day Saint faith, showed sympathy for Britani.

That moment, Britani says at the reunion, “felt really good. When I watched that, I cried. I didn’t even realize how much trauma I had around the shame. … Clearly, I have some work to do around that.”

Mary Cosby has lost all patience with Britani. Mary notes that the confession about Jared was a deflection, when the Housewives were angry at Britani for recording their conversation on a sprinter van.

Britani says she’s still recovering from the castmates’ hostility then. Mary replies, “Well, get over it, then. It happened and it’s done. Hopefully, so are you.”

Lisa vs. Whitney, the final(?) chapter

Andy moves to the biggest moment on the Mexico trip: The “mean texts” game, where each Housewife was asked to find the harshest text they wrote about another castmate.

“When it worked, with Heather and Mary, Heather and Whitney, it became very powerful,” Andy noted. But the game ended when Lisa Barlow reacted furiously to a text rumor Whitney had repeated regarding Lisa and her husband, John Barlow.

Lisa reacts as strongly now as she did in Mexico, complaining about how poorly she’s been treated. Whitney says Lisa is missing the point of the game, which is to allow the Housewives to purge these mean words and move forward.

Whitney leaves her seat on the couch to sit right next to Lisa and try to make amends. They seem to be close to some reconciliation, until Whitney remarks to Andy that “I don’t think it’s fair that I have to take accountability for everything and [Lisa] doesn’t have to.”

Lisa acknowledges that, after a season in which they argued constantly, she still loves Whitney. “I think I’ve shown you that I care about you,” Lisa says, “and until I feel you’re f---ing with me, I am like 100% with you.” Whitney replies, “I feel the exact same way.” And the two agree to try to move ahead.

Positive vibes, and a toast

For the final segment, Britani leaves the stage, and Andy asks the seven full-time Housewives to talk positively about each other — a reverse of the “mean texts” game.

The most interesting comment is Bronwyn’s grudging respect for Heather: “I don’t like arguing with anybody more than I like arguing with you.” Heather returns the compliment, calling Bronwyn “a fabulous contribution to the group, and I look forward to figuring each other out.”

Andy gives the final compliment, to Mary: “You showed us your heart this year.”

Then Andy and the Housewives share a final toast, as crew members bring out mugs of beer — Miller High Life, “the champagne of beers,” which Mary drank for the first time on their Milwaukee trip.

Heather gives a toast to “the most powerful, influential, incredible, terrifying women who have changed my life — and who have supported me and forced me to change my life in the best possible way.”

As the Housewives clink glasses, the camera cuts to the wings, where Britani — whose future with the show is uncertain — holds a mug of beer and bemoans the fact that she’s not onstage. Britani complains, “I want some nice stuff said about me, too.”