When David Archuleta appeared on “American Idol” recently, he was in a very different place from where he was 16 years ago, when the country first heard the Utah teen’s singing talent on the show.
But some of the old feelings came back.
“When I perform, I feel a confidence when I’m in my own shows, but when I go back to a TV setting, I suddenly feel like I’m under a magnifying glass,” Archuleta said, a day after his performance.
As anyone who has kept up with Archuleta knows, the singing star has gone through a quite public identity journey since he came out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community in June 2021. Part of that journey involved leaving The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in which he grew up.
On April 22, Archuleta returned to “American Idol” — the show where he was runner-up in 2008 — to perform his new song, “Hell Together.” The song captures the reaction his mother, Lupe, had when he came out, and her eventual decision to leave the Latter-day Saint faith, too. While he sang, photos of Archuleta and his mother cascaded across the stage’s backdrop.
The music video for the song, released a few days after, was filmed in an empty church, with Archuleta at a piano and dancer Olivia Cava performing while he sings. At the end of the video, which is dedicated to Lupe and includes home movies of mother and son, Archuleta leaves the church and steps into bright sunlight.
When he’s performing on TV, Archuleta said, he gets in his own head, feeling anxiety over being scrutinized or not doing well. This time, he said he went back and watched his performance — something he usually doesn’t do. Being on the stage also reminds him of overanalyzing and critiquing “every little moment,” he said.
“The point is not about perfection right now, it’s about being vulnerable .., [At] the end of it, it’s the story,” he said. “I’m trying to connect with people through the story that I’m telling in the song. I’m really glad that I got to tell my story.”
Aside from the catchy dance jam, “Afraid to Love,” that he released last August, “Hell Together” is the one of the few times Archuleta has directly addressed his coming out experience through his music.
In the past, like at Utah’s LoveLoud Festival, he has remarked about his sexuality and his journey. At last year’s LoveLoud, he changed a lyric from his hit song “Crush” from “girl” to “boy.”
“It’s interesting because I was introduced to America and millions of other people as a 16-year-old and then 17, while I was on ‘Idol,’” Archuleta reflected. “To not know who I was yet, but still have to show people who I was, and then having to grow up in front of an audience.”
Growing up in front of an audience has also had other effects in his life.
“A lot more people know me than I know them personally in Utah, so they were invested in how my personal life was going to unfold,” Archuleta said. “Like, random strangers would come up to me and be, like, ‘So, who are you dating?’ … They feel like I am their son, nephew, grandson or cousin …”
It was especially difficult, Archuleta said, getting to where he is now from being a “conservative boy who was very religious and devout to his faith.”
Archuleta also said he tried to do what he was “supposed to do” by trying to get married — breaking off three engagements in the process.
“When it didn’t work, I was really starting to get scared,” he said. “Because I was realizing this isn’t going to fix the thing that I know about myself. And I’m terrified that people are not going to see me for what I really am. Because I couldn’t fix it.”
(Rick Egan | The Salt Lake Tribune) David Archuleta performs at Loveloud at the Delta Center, on Friday, Nov. 3, 2023.
‘Sharing who I am’
One thing that hasn’t changed, Archuleta said, is his goal with his music: To be authentic to who he is, in all stages and eras of his life.
“I’m doing what I’ve always done, and that is sharing who I am,” Archuleta said. “It’s part of my journey. I used to talk about my faith all the time.”
Archuleta said he is aware of the comments left on his social media posts about his music and identity — many written by members of the Latter-day Saint faith, and objecting to his decision to live authentically. He has often shared such comments, explaining himself further to the people writing them.
“People are upset about that,” he said. “Why is that so upsetting to you that I’m learning to be OK with who I’ve always been?”
While promoting “Hell Together” he’s been even more vocal on his social media platforms. Archuleta has participated in TikTok trends, like a video that repeats the theme “I’m an ex-Mormon,” and another that recreates a discussion trend with his mother, who eventually left the church.
When he served a mission in Chile from 2012 to 2014, Archuleta said he was proud to share that experience. “As a public figure, I’m going to share the things that are meaningful in my life. And whoever comes across it, I’m not going to control what comes into your face or not,” he said.
One part of “Hell Together” that people have been particularly vocal about, he said, is the title lyric — “We’ll go to hell together” — which came directly from his mother. People made disparaging comments before the song even came out, he said, just because of the title.
“That’s just what my mom said, It’s my story. It’s my life. As songwriters, and artists, you can talk about your life,” Archuleta said.
In the Latter-day Saint faith, Archuleta noted, family is the “first and most important thing.”
Latter-day Saints believe, Archuleta said, “Families can be together forever. And so my mom was just, like, ‘OK, what’s the point of me living forever if I can’t have my children who are everything for me?’ … If that upsets people, that’s fine, but it’s my story, and I can say whatever I want and tell my story.”
Overall, Archuleta said, “I’m kind of tired of people saying I should know better and [are] still treating me like I have to live according to their expectations and standards, when I’m in a different place of life now.”
(Shaun Vadella) Singer David Archuleta
The example of Miss Frizzle
Archuleta said after growing up “in a culture that taught me fear is a good thing,” he’s learned to detach himself from that. He’s taking risks — whether with his music, his clothing or other choices.
His inspiration, he said, is Miss Frizzle, the teacher from the children’s show “The Magic School Bus” — whose motto was “take chances, make mistakes and get messy” because “that’s how you learn, how you discover.”
“She doesn’t let anyone control her and tell her what to do, and by doing so she’s able to live a happy, exciting life where she learns more than anyone else does about how life works,” Archuleta said. “A lot of times when you’re in a fear-based culture, you’re taught, like, if you don’t fear, and if you take too many risks, you will put yourself in danger.”
Archuleta said he’s always waited to speak about things until he’s ready. Now, he feels like he is. On his last album, he started doing exactly that.
“I didn’t come out until I was ready to accept that about me, and then I had to figure out how to be OK to talk about it,” Archuleta said. The new song, he said, is how he’s finally expressing himself.
“Where I was before in my religion, it’s not OK to talk about, to be OK with being gay,” he said. “That’s something people need to realize, that’s why I have to talk about it. Because I’m trying to free myself and give myself the power to love myself and feel good in my own skin, I have to talk about this and I’m going to keep talking about it. … That’s how I find my own voice, instead of letting other people talk for me.”
Doing that, through song and through interviews, Archuleta said, is healing for him — and helps him find himself while he’s still struggling with confidence and judgment.
Archuleta said he still values a lot of the things he grew up with, and still has friends from the Latter-day Saint community. But, “I’ve been afraid of myself my whole life. I need to stop being afraid of myself, and I’m over it.”
“If I write songs that are honest about my journey, and that offends people, then OK, that’s fine, but it’s my life,” he said. “All I’m doing is being myself. I’m damn proud of being who I am. That’s all I’ve ever tried to be, and it’s just sometimes it takes time to figure out certain parts of who you are.”
David Archuleta is scheduled to perform four shows at The Egyptian Theatre in Park City, May 30-June 1. Tickets can be purchased online, at parkcityshows.com.
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