Dear Ann Cannon • My wife of nearly three decades is very, very sensitive to criticism, so I’ve learned that to keep our marriage blissful it’s best not to point out any of her (few) undesirable qualities. However, she has developed really bad breath recently. I don’t know why, because she brushes her teeth often, flosses, uses mouthwash, etc. I think she needs to see a doctor or dentist about it. How can I tell her without hurting her feelings?
— (Mostly) Happy Husband in Herriman
Dear Mostly Happy • After receiving your question, I spent a little time on the Mayo Clinic website trying to ascertain the various causes of bad breath in our world today. Poor dental hygiene is one, but that doesn’t appear to be your wife’s problem. So let’s rule that out. Other possibilities? Medications. Infections. A condition known as “dry mouth.” Diseases such as GERD or even cancer. Also, bad breath in children can be caused by something they stuck up their nose. Not that this applies to your wife, but it did remind that when I was a toddler, I stuck some raisins up my nose because what else are you going to do with some raisins and a nose when you’re 2 years old?
But that’s not the point. The point is that you’re absolutely right to think she should see a dentist or doctor. So. How do you break the bad breath news to her? Once again, I recommend the positive/negative/positive approach. Start with a positive — “It’s so awesome that you brush your teeth regularly!” Then state the bad news — “Which is why it’s a little surprising that your breath has been kind of bad recently!” Then end with another positive — “Meanwhile, nobody in America does a better job of brushing teeth regularly than you do!”
You get the idea.
I can’t guarantee this will work. You may just have to put up with a prickly reaction from her. The bottom line, however, is that your wife ought to have herself checked.
Dear Ann Cannon • A few years ago I unfollowed a friend on Facebook because I thought her posts were so annoying. Now, however, she’s one of my best friends in real life. I’d like to follow her again on FB, but I’m afraid she’ll ask me why I unfollowed her in the first place when the new request goes through. How should I handle this?
— Former Facebook Friend
Dear Former • First, did you unfollow or unfriend? If all you did was unfollow, no worries! You can refollow her and she’ll be none the wiser! But let’s suppose you did unfriend her. This is the flip side of a question I answered a while back from a woman who’d been unfriended by someone who wanted to be Facebook pals again. Let’s just say she wasn’t inclined to accept the renewed invitation.
OK. You have a few options here.
1. Send the friend request. If she asks why you unfriended her, tell her the truth.
2. Send the friend request. If she asks why you unfriended her, make something up.
3. Follow her, instead, on another social-media platform, like Instagram, for example.
4. Forget about social media altogether and just enjoy your friendship in real time and in real life.
Dear Ann Cannon • Is it OK to regift stuff?
— Reluctant to Regift
Dear Reluctant • By a show of hands, who out there has NEVER regifted something?
Yup. That’s exactly what I thought.
Regifting — passing along a gift originally meant for you to someone else — is something that most everyone has done at one time or another. I remember the year my husband and I were married. We received at least 13 stainless-steel gravy boats, most of them from friends who had also recently been married. Clearly ZCMI had had a sale on gravy boats that spring! Needless to say, I passed along a few of those gravy boats myself.
The idea of regifting makes many of us feel slightly queasy. Having said all this, I’ll go out on a limb here and say it’s OK to regift if the item is something you know the recipient needs or will enjoy. You know. Like a stainless-steel gravy boat. Make sure the gift is in pristine shape, i.e. that there’s nothing written in it or on it.
Meanwhile, prepare a response in case the recipient asks where the gift came from.
Do you have a question for Ann? Send it to askann@sltrib.com or visit the Ask Ann Cannon page on Facebook.
