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Utah Bro: The 'Mormon All-Star' known for preening, piety

Published April 2, 2014 7:51 pm

This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2014, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Utah's indigenous bro (young, image-assimilated male) "is a preening, hair geling, gym ratting, thick necked doofus who dresses like an Abercrombie ad and burns through Crest Whitestrips," according to a new field guide to America's regional bros.

The "Provo Bro" (common name: "Mormon All-Star") takes his inspiration from bro-totype Bentley Williams, villain of "Bachelorette" infamy, writes Jezebel's Erin Gloria Ryan. Hobbies include "going to the gym, attending church services in order to flirt with eligible Mormon women, bragging about piety."

Where other regional species enjoy such vices as Budweiser (Great Plains Bro), individual-toe shoes (Portland Bro) or "bales and bales of pot" (Colorado Bro), the Provo Bro's preferred intoxicants are "cologne stink waves" and sugary desserts.

For more discussion of the Mormon All-Star's evolutionary roots, see Rhombus' profile of Williams.

Jezebel outlines identifying characteristics of 14 other bro sub-species, including the L.A. Bro ("barely-under-control coke problem"), the Southern Frat Bro ("borderline psychotic about SEC football"), and the Masshole (backwards Red Sox cap and "massive L-shaped couch in a white-walled apartment").

—Erin Alberty