When I was younger I had an engagement end six days before the wedding. The young man had come to me after hauling furniture up from his mother’s house and admitted he had cold feet, and needed more time. I thought the world had ended.
I laid in bed for three days while my poor mother called wedding guests to tell them not to come, returned wedding presents, and generally took care of me. My tear-soaked pillow became my only friend.
It was winter break, and I had already moved into married student housing in Provo. So I had to return to school early to try to find housing where I belonged. Because I didn’t belong in married student housing.
So there I sat on New Year’s Eve, on the floor with a thin camping mat my mother had intended as a gift for my fiancé, watching the ball drop on a little television, in an empty apartment filled with the boxes of my life.
It was one of my lowest points.
But out of that experience came strength as an individual, empathy for others in similar circumstances and resolve to get on with my life. And I did. I finished law school, took a job in Manhattan, and had the best experience I never would have had had I been married at 21.
Teddy Roosevelt once said, “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming . . . who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Our trials are meant to strengthen us. And they do. Nobody plans to experience the heartaches and failures of life. Nobody expects their marriage to end in divorce, or their child to die, or their spouse to get sick. It just happens.
A group of Utahns recently visited Puerto Rico to help deliver aid after the devastating hurricane that wiped out much of the island. Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox tweeted about his experience.
That is what trials are about – rising above the pain and overcoming. And I believe this is true on a systemic level as well. Out of religious persecution in England came the free land of America. Out of World War I and the Great Depression came the greatest generation of heroes. Out of Vietnam came a national reticence for wars we don’t belong in. Out of the civil rights movement came a legal tradition of equality (even if we still have a long way to go culturally). Out of 9/11 came a national awareness that we are not immune to radical extremism.
So what about now? Are we living through a national tragedy that will someday make us stronger?
We are. Our political landscape is increasingly caustic. We are led by a man who has shown complete disdain and irreverence toward women. Our laws are made by a group of mostly white men who crave power and control over bipartisan achievement. And our streets are erupting with hatred and violence.
But in this same space has begun a national coming together against sexual assault and harassment. This incredible campaign has popular support and awareness, and a commitment to see our culture change. Our children and our children’s children will be the benefactors.
Participants march against sexual assault and harassment at the #MeToo March in the Hollywood section of Los Angeles on Sunday, Nov. 12, 2017. (AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes)
Who will our next leaders look like? What will we demand from them? We want to make America great again, and it will be.
Thanksgiving is about gratitude for the blessings we enjoy and hope for the future, even when we are in the deepest sorrow. Being thankful for what we have helps us forget what we don’t have.
Because every day we wake up is a good day.
Michelle Quist is an editorial writer for The Salt Lake Tribune who is thankful to her mother this year for not making her cook a turkey. And for pie.
