While most of us are trying to avoid talking about Donald Trump at our Thanksgiving dinner, the president and his family will be enjoying their own holiday and, most likely, we’ll get the rundown via Twitter. Here’s a satirical look at what those tweets might look like:
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
I decided not to pardon the turkeys. Drumstick did not show proper respect and gratitude. Never even learned to fly. SAD! Pardoned Manafort and Flynn instead.
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
Because I lifted imports ban, Ivanka, Donny Jr., Eric and the other ones will dine on elephant Jr. shot. It’s HUGE! So much stuffing!
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
This year I am thankful to Twitter for 280 characters. Now U.S. policy can be 2x as great. Very, very big deal! #MMAAGGAA
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
Recently, I rescinded humanitarian visas for those who fled Nicaragua and Haiti. Today, ordering Pilgrims to go home or be deported. Control our borders!
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
Tried the green bean casserole recipe from Failing NYTimes. Uses Velveeta. Awful! Fake cheese! Fake news!
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
In a gesture of goodwill, I invited Kim Jong Un for dinner. Sat him at kids table by Jeff Flakey and Loser Corker. See if he calls me old again.
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
Steve Mnuchin brought mincemeat pie. What the hell is mincemeat? Better than Jeff Sessions’ boiled opossum. Putin was right about him.
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
For a surgeon, Ben Carson did a terrible job carving bird. Bannon is drunk. Zinke arrived on horse. Pence blessed food six times. What am I doing?
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
This holiday we remember all we share with our Indian brothers. Soon I’ll undo Bears Ears monument, so Indians can share their artifacts with us.
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
Finished watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Next time NFL players kneel, Lucy should pull the football away. Respect the troops, Blockhead!
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
Also: Charlie Brown = Loser Hillary! Turkey’s not all that’s roasted this year!! Get a life!
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Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump · Nov 23
Thanksgiving is a time to remember all we’ve been blessed with, so let me just say to all Americans everywhere: You’re welcome.
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