This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2016, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Somehow, whenever I think about God, I never really get the impression that he's a Republican. Or a Democrat, for that matter.

But prayer has finally proven God is a member of the GOP, or at least a major consultant. I say this because the Republican National Convention ended its first day with a benediction from Mark Burns, pastor of The Harvest Praise & Worship Center in South Carolina.

"Let's pray together. Father God, in the name of Jesus, Lord, we're so thankful for the life of Donald Trump," a very amped Burns hollered.

I sat up when I heard that. Burns was not just asking for God's help to defeat the Democrats. Judging from the tone and volume of his voice, he was practically commanding God to get involved.

"To defeat every attack that comes against us, protect the life of Donald Trump," he bellowed, "give him the words, give him the space, give him the power and the authority to be the next president of the United States of America, in Jesus' name! If you believe it, shout Amen!"

Everyone at the convention seemed to agree. The ones on TV shouted "Amen!" At my house, I muttered, "Holy $&*%!"

But there you have it. A few days later, Trump locked up the Republican nomination. Could there be any greater proof that God answers prayers and that heaven is a red state? The Creator of the Universe helped Donald and ignored the futile pleas of the Democrats, who wanted his soul cast into a herd of swine.

Prayer is strange that way. People claim God answered their prayers whenever things turn out well. Oddly enough, they also say he answers prayer when they get shut out. Had Donald lost the nomination, some Republicans would still believe the prayer got answered.

"That's OK. That's OK. Everyone calm down. Father God is holding Donald in reserve in order to defeat Kanye West in 2020."

You forgot about that, didn't you? Kanye announced during MTV's 2015 Video Music Awards that he has decided to run for president in 2020. Who better to stop him than a white version of himself?

Prayer is famous for being self-serving. We want protection for us and ours. We get that protection whenever other people get defeated or righteously smitten. In order to protect us from sin and our enemies, God visits horrible disasters on places that are filled with both.

I see that as ecclesiastical arrogance. It's not humility. You want to pray for protection from the biggest threat to you and yours? Pray for the power and the authority to protect you from yourself.

"But most of all, [insert name of your deity here], please help me figure out how big of a dumbass I am. Things will be a lot better if I can just get that part right. Just don't make it hurt too much. Amen."

Politics and religion. If politics enters into heaven at all, God is a major independent. There are just two parties. Ours. His.

There's never been a primary election in God's party. Conversely, the Human Party has been holding a vigorously bloody primary for at least 10,000 years. And boy do we suck at it.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.