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Given their popularity (and controversy), the LDS Church should get into the business of reality show TV. What better way of spreading the message about who and what we are than with shows that feature our true concerns?

Currently, the only reality shows seen as Mormon aren't really about the average Mormon: "Sister Wives" (plural marriage) and "My Husband's Not Gay" (sexual identity) and "Breaking the Faith" (escape from fundamentalism).

Those don't highlight real Mormonism. Neither do some reality shows created by Mormons. "The District," which debuted on BYUtv in 2012, chronicled "the gospel-filled adventures of eight real-life Mormon missionaries."

I never saw "The District." Given that it was aired on BYUtv, it probably only showed a carefully curated view of mission reality. I'll bet there wasn't a single fight.

We can do better than that about ourselves. Currently — and I mean starting yesterday — I am shopping these LDS reality shows around Hollywood. Nobody has returned my phone calls yet.

Locked Up Abroad • What's it like to be stuck in a small foreign village where the only other English-speaking person has the personality of a potato? Follow Elder Spud and Elder Miscreant as they attempt to spread the gospel without hurting each other.

Who Wants to Be a General Authority? • Follow eight older male Mormon aspirants as they attempt — largely through contrived and irritating imitation — to be called as top-level Mormon leaders.

Untold Stories of the C.O.B.• What really goes on in that ginormous building at 50 E. North Temple? Do employees cuss when they fall down the stairs? From the lowliest custodian to the top echelons, follow the sometimes harsh realities of working in a cubicle so close to the throne.

Real Pioneer Woman • Reality cooking shows are popular. Follow actual meal-making of early Mormon women. What will contestants come up with when asked to provide a nutritious and faith-sustaining family meal from bug paste, roots, animal hide and just a quarter cup of dirt?

Scout Camp Survivor • Ten young boys and two adult males try to survive a hellish week-long Scout camp. Featured are epic wildfires, unreasonable apex predators, surly forest rangers, food poisoning and potentially lethal homesickness. Watch what happens when the leaders are voted out of the camp.

Holy Ghost Whisperer • Shock-collared contestants bear witness to incredible, faith-promoting experiences during which a whispering of the Spirit helped them find their cell phone, lost cat, remote control, missing ancestor, etc. Audience votes by pushing buttons.

Ultimate Ward Ball Fighter • Caged matches between the most unsportsmanlike church basketball players. Caution: Violence, adult (but nonetheless childish) language, and real blood.

Real Housewives of Provo • Diapers, screaming children, casseroles, visiting teaching, night classes at the Y., and clueless husbands — all handled without pharmaceutical help.

Biggest Mission Call Loser • Through scripture chases, testimonies, bishop's interview and tests of humble compliance, contestants vie for being called to a cool mission. Winner goes someplace impressively wild and exotic. Losers are shipped to Pocatello.

100 Percent Home Screaching • What will contestants do when called to home teach the criminally insane, dangerously erratic and utterly unstable? Will they visit the home of a serial killer every month without fail?

Mormon Storage Hoarders • Food storage gone horribly awry. Can these contestants part with 40 cases of chili so outdated that the cans have swollen to twice their size? What about 1,000 two-liter soda pop bottles filled with water so stagnant that it has pre-Cambrian life forms drifting inside?

I'm working on some more shows. But these should keep me busy for a while. The hardest part is going to be finding someone shameless (and stupid) enough to be in them.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley. Find his past columns at http://www.sltrib.com/lifestyle/kirby/